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”As we sat and supped our ale, Goodman expanded on the tale.Not long after Britain went to war with revolutionary France, a ship was wrecked off the coast of County Durham. Among the flotsam washed up on the foreshore of Hartlepool was a monkey, clinging to a spar. The animal was dressed in a pair of breeches and a tunic, and had probably been the pet of the ship’s captain. The inhabitants of Hartlepool had never seen a monkey before and, as it was dressed as a man, took the simian to be a human male. The monkey chattered in fright and fear as the Hartlepudlians poked it with sticks. One notable declared that the ‘man’ must be French. He had seen drawings in newspapers depicting Frenchmen, who were shown to be small, hairy, stunted, and weasel faced, akin to the ‘man’ now standing before them. Further proof, if needed, was the unintelligible, French, language the ‘man ‘was speaking. His companions nodded in agreement.The unfortunate animal was taken before a magistrate, who concurred. But, given a choice, I’d rather hang them out to dry and then let the law handle them. If Inspector Richards and the entire Department of Justice got their collective rocks off by taking them in, more power to them, just get the trash off my mountain.I started by making sure that I made enough of a trail for even a rookie to follow. It had to be obvious, but not too obvious. I wasn’t sure how experienced these guys were in tracking or bushcraft. I hoped that they were clueless, but I wasn’t going to count on it. If any of them had experience, they may get suspicious and not follow my game plan.I knew when they were starting to get close. The birds and insects got quiet, and I started to hear human type sounds. But I hung around long enough to get a good idea of just how close. I was waiting at a sharp bend in the trail when fatso came creeping around. At first, he didn’t see me. He was spending all his time looking left and right at the bush, which I didn’t want, particularly in this.
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